When spring is in the air, we think about flourishing. As the leaves return to the trees and flower blossoms make their first appearances, humans flourish again, too.

Positive psychology founder Martin Seligman, whose science of optimal human experience is primarily concerned with human flourishing, is quick to point out that thriving is very different from being happy. Positive psychology is often called the “science of happiness,” but Seligman hates the overused, unclear umbrella term. What happiness means to one person could be entirely different to another. “Happiness,” Seligman says, “is inextricably bound up with being in a cheerful mood.”

Seligman is attempting to broaden positive psychology’s scope with an emphasis on flourishing rather than happiness. He defines flourishing with the acronym PERMA, based on five things that contribute to a life well lived. We pursue these five things not as a means to something else, but as ends in themselves.

If you want to flourish this spring, think about how to get more PERMA in your life.

P-Positive Emotions: Psychologist Barbara Fredrickson has discovered that human beings need three positive emotions for every negative one. The ratio isn’t three-to-zero, so don’t beat yourself up for feeling down. Just try to keep your scales tipped toward the positive.

E-Engagement: “Flow” is the name psychologists use to describe the deep pleasure that comes from being fully engaged in an activity you enjoy. Using your strengths to overcome challenges is a good way to create more flow in your life.

R-Relationships: Psychologist Chris Peterson has said positive psychology can be summed up in three words: “other people matter.” Connecting with others is a sure path to flourishing.

M-Meaning: Seligman defines meaning as “belonging to and serving something that you believe is bigger than the self.” Go to church, join a community, volunteer or do something else to leave the world a better place.

A-Accomplishment: Setting and reaching goals is essential to human thriving.

I would add one more—physical exercise—to this list. Sometimes we all need to get out of our heads and move our bodies a bit. PERMA plus movement is the perfect recipe for a flourishing spring.

JEREMY MCCARTHY, director of global spa development and operations for Starwood Hotels, is flourishing with the arrival of his second son in January. Read more of Jeremy’s writing at http://psychologyofwellbeing.com.

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Many people use the new year to establish priorities, set goals and launch personal development projects. “This time,” they say, “I’m really going to do it.” For most, those goals are forgotten before the first spring blossoms appear.

Too often, people believe they don’t have what it takes to accomplish what they need. Not enough time, not enough energy, not enough willpower, not enough patience. Or they become distracted by a new job, a new relationship or other opportunities that draw them away from the goals they had set for themselves.

What if the true secret to goal accomplishment is not having more time, more energy or more willpower in the face of attractive distractions? Maybe all we need is perseverance, the single-minded determination and “stick-to-it-iveness” to see a plan through to fruition.

Angela Duckworth, a University of Pennsylvania psychology professor, began researching perseverance after she noticed that “tenacious dogged determination” was a common characteristic among hugely successful people from a variety of fields. Her “Grit” scale (after the John Wayne film, True Grit), which measures people’s perseverance toward long-term goals, suggests that successful people aren’t smarter or genetically endowed with capabilities that the rest of us don’t have. They just work harder and longer toward their goals. They are “grittier.”

Grit was the best determinant of who would make it through West Point Academy military training. National Spelling Bee contestants were more successful after slogging through more hours of practice, and grit is better than SAT scores or high school ranking at predicting college leaders. In general, grittier people attain higher levels of education. Once they choose a career, they stick with it longer, giving them greater opportunities for long-term success in their field.

You can develop this stamina–and accomplish your New Year’s resolutions this year—by following these simple tips.

• Remind yourself of your goals. Put a recurring appointment in your calendar so you check in with your progress every month. You can also publicly announce your goals via social media and encourage your friends to check in with you.
• Say no to distractions. You can do anything you want . . . you just can’t do everything you want.
• Believe in yourself. You are much more likely to stick to a goal that you believe you can accomplish. Belief and perseverance are powerful tools. Set goals and don’t be afraid to push yourself.
• Get emotional about it. Connect to the deeper meaning of the goal you’re pursuing. Passion fuels perseverance.

JEREMY MCCARTHY, director of global spa development and operations for Starwood Hotels, is expecting his second son in January. His long-term goal of raising two thriving boys requires a little extra grit. Read more of Jeremy’s writing at psychologyofwellbeing.com.

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We’ve all become used to the idea that food is supposed to be delicious. Whether we go out to our favorite restaurants or prepare food at home, we want every meal to satisfy our yearning for scrumptious, yummy food. Unfortunately, those yearnings evolved during a very different time. Cravings for delicious food evolved when food that tasted really good was hard to come by. As a survival mechanism, we developed cravings for food that required hard work. We developed a taste for foods high in sugar and fat because high calorie foods were not readily available. Minerals, like salt, were also rare if you did not happen to live by the ocean.

Today, we live in a very different world. Foods that are high in fat, animal protein, carbohydrates (sugars) and salts are available at the snap of a finger. It is only natural that we should feel entitled to finally fulfill all of the cravings that our ancestors carried with them for so many years before us. But now we are realizing that there can be too much of a good thing. A large portion of every tax dollar spent in the U.S. goes towards managing chronic illnesses, such as heart disease, diabetes and hypertension, most of which would be easily preventable by changes in our diet.

Unfortunately, our lifestyle is not only genetically embedded in us by our ancestors, but a culture of expecting food to taste good is engrained in us since early childhood. Daycare centers, children’s schools, and even your beloved nanny have all learned that it is far easier to feed children foods that are high in fat, sugars and sodium. This is why sugary flavored milk is offered in school and is promoted so heavily. Apparently kids will consume more nutritious calcium when it is drowned in sugar. No muss, no fuss, a spoonful of sugar does indeed help the medicine go down.

In a culture where doing things efficiently is valued more than doing things right, it is easy to sacrifice our long-term health if it makes mealtimes easier to manage.

Restaurants make money by selling food that tastes good, not by selling food that does what nature intended: drive our health. The business owner wins when the customer gets what he wants in the short term, regardless of the long-term cost to health.

Even the health food aisle in the local supermarket offers “healthy foods” that look nothing at all like what our ancestors ate. Foods that are low in fat, low in sugar and low in sodium are chemically modified to “fool” our taste buds into thinking that they are getting what they feel they need. Sadly, the chemical substitutes to add sweetness and richness to our meals often fall short and do little to satisfy our cravings.

Here are three things to think about when planning your meals for the week:

1. BE MINDFUL. Unless you are eating off of a farm in an environment similar to your ancestors, allowing your cravings to guide your eating is likely to get you into trouble. Instead, think consciously about the purpose of your food and diet.

2. EAT FOR A REASON. Eat to fuel your body and brain. Eat for performance. Eat for health. Eat for longevity. Connecting to the reason behind your meals can help you to eat more healthfully and more mindfully.

3. SAVE AND SAVOR. Save delicious meals for special occasions or one special meal each week. By truly savoring and appreciating those moments you will get more enjoyment out of your food than simply expecting every meal to be “gourmet” and feeling disappointed when it is not.

Michael Pollan, author of In Defense of Food, notes that “humans are the only animal that needs professional experts to tell them how to eat.” Thanks to modern technological advances in foods we have an abundance of choices to choose from, but this plethora of options can confuse our internal systems. The best way to override this confusion is to connect more mindfully to the purpose of the foods we eat, and to accept the idea that not every meal is going to taste like a cheeseburger or an ice cream sundae.

Contributing writer Jeremy McCarthy is the director of global spa development and operations for Starwood Hotels.

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One step in front of another and away you go. Walking is not only a means of getting from place to place; it is also the most popular physical activity in the world. And an enjoyable walk can be much more than a simple form of exercise. Adding mindfulness to your walking creates a form of moving meditation that can bring your mind and spirit into the pleasure of the moment.

Walking is conducive to meditation because of its sheer simplicity and ease. Each step provides a syncopated rhythm that helps to regulate your breathing and heart rate so that the whole body is moving harmoniously forward, with just enough effort to keep you completely connected to the moment. Keeping that connection to the moment and clearing your mind of all other thoughts is what makes a simple walk become a meditative experience. You are training your mind to let go of anxieties and enjoy simply being in the present.

An ideal path to practice meditative walking is one that leads to nothing in particular so that you can walk in the moment without too much investment in reaching a specific destination. My favorite setting for a mindful walk is a rugged nature trail. The scenery captivates attention and commands awareness. And the slightly rugged terrain forces me to be alert. Like walking on stones across a gently running stream while trying to keep my shoes dry. If I lift my gaze to see the opposite bank, I am almost certain to miss a step and dip a foot into the water. I am forced to live in the moment.

Many ancient cultures have used labyrinths, winding paths etched into the ground, as a way to practice meditative walking. A traditional labyrinth is “unicursal,” meaning it only has one route in or out, with no wrong turns to mislead you. In fact, since there are no walls to speak of, there is really no mystery at all. You cannot possibly get lost and you can see the center (your destination) from anywhere in the diagram.

This is the point of walking a labyrinth. For the duration of your walk, there are no decisions to be made, no wrong turns, no mistakes, and no failures. The only requirement is that you stay present and follow the path that appears before you. Sometimes the path winds you closer to your
goal; sometimes it appears to lead you away from it. But there is no need to get too attached to these appearances. Following the path, wherever it leads, is guaranteed to bring you to the center. Consider these tips to help you on your journey:

1. Walk without a goal. There can be a destination you are moving towards—like the center of the labyrinth—but the goal is achieved by being in the moment, not by keeping your eyes on the horizon. Each step forward, made with consciousness and conviction, brings you closer to your
destination.
2. Be aware of where your attention is pulled. Are you focused on your path, or on some distant objective you hope to accomplish? Is your next big promotion, a new car, a bigger house–all winking at you from some far-off horizon and preventing you from truly living in and enjoying the
present?
3. Experiment with a new perspective. If you are constantly looking ahead to the top of the trail, it never seems to arrive. When you focus on the steps you are taking and enjoy the world around you: the sound of a nearby brook, the wind rustling through the trees, a butterfly landing nearby—the importance of the destination begins to fade, and you are fulfilled by the moment.

By walking carefully on the path you are on you will be surprised by your achievements. Any goals you fulfill may not be the same ones you set for yourself, but they are yours nonetheless because you found them on your path. Take credit for them and keep moving with the moment. If you ever feel lost, you have probably taken your eyes off of your path in search of some distant objective. Come back to the moment. Look around. Take a breath. And keep walking calmly and deliberately forward on the narrow path that opens up before you.

Contributing writer Jeremy McCarthy is the director of global spa development and operations for Starwood Hotels.

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As romantic as moving in with the one you love may be, it is not without its share of trauma and drama. The most painful part of the process is the act of reducing our inventory of physical belongings to a reasonable level so there is still room in the apartment for other necessary amenities (like air, for example). We became the best friends of Habitat for Humanity as we began to donate half of our stuff including furniture, clothing, dishware, etc. It sounds so noble, giving things away to those less fortunate, and it is. But it doesn’t feel that way when you are doing it only out of necessity and when you struggle to part with each and every item.

Why is it so hard to let stuff go? I didn’t want to part with my sofa, which had hardly been used, and its green color reminded me of the pile of money I had paid for it only two years earlier. I struggled to give up perfectly good kitchen utensils that, while redundant in my new home (which already had a kitchen stocked with even better utensils) could certainly come in handy at some point in the distant future (like when my girlfriend has decided she’s cooked me my last meal and throws me out onto the street). Perhaps the most difficult thing for me was letting go of clothing, each article of which represented another time, another place, or another body size, slightly more svelte than the current.

You don’t realize how attached you have become to your own stuff, until you try to let it go. Giving things up, I truly felt a sense of loss, as if with each asset I was giving away, my self-worth was lessened. I had to remind myself that giving away the brightly colored floral shirts I got in Indonesia did not take away from the time I spent there. Furniture I had bought had served its purpose for a time, and now it could decorate the house of another. I can always afford another sofa (or microwave, or alpaca sweater) should the need arise.

And so, with the help of Habitat for Humanity, I let stuff go. And the amazing thing is, for all the attachments to stuff that we have, once it is gone you don’t miss it. In fact, you feel lighter for having been unburdened. You realize an abundance of time and energy, no longer consumed by the stuff around you. Less things to take care of, less things to worry about, less things to be organized (or if they aren’t organized, less time to sift through stuff in search of other stuff).

If you have some stuff to let go of (and don’t we all), consider these tips to help you make a clean break while cleaning out your closets:

Ask yourself if you will truly miss it. Once something becomes present in our lives we grow attachments to it. The true measure of its importance is in how much we miss it after it is gone. If you haven’t worn it, used it, or read it in over a year, you won’t miss it.

Can someone else get a greater benefit from it? Donate books you have read so others can enjoy them. If you have extra clothing, think of those who don’t have enough. If you have extra furniture, think of those who are without even a home. It never feels good to wastefully dispose of things. Find a good home for your stuff and you will find it easier to part ways.

Enjoy the extra space. Letting go of stuff clears up space both physically and mentally. It’s always nice to have a little extra breathing room.

Somehow it’s easier to accumulate than it is to let go. But once you start letting go, even with something small, it does get easier. In my case, I lost some stuff but grew closer with my girlfriend. I still have plenty more junk jammed into whatever closet space we now share. But “spring cleaning” is just around the corner… and I could use the breathing room.

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 But what is the “spirit” part of this triad? And how do spas impact people’s spiritual well-being? These are not easy questions to answer since spirit could be defined in many ways and may be perceived differently from spa to spa or from individual to individual. But there is something about the spiritual side of the world of spa that speaks to people, and keeps them coming back for more.

 For some, spirit can be defined as the emotional side of well-being. It is common to hear of people experiencing an emotional release while at the spa, sometimes even bursting into tears on the treatment table, perhaps moved by the nurturing touch of the therapist. Guests who have this experience feel a soothing of the spirit, and they leave the spa at peace, emotionally, with fewer troubles, less anxiety, and more happiness.

 For others, the spirit in the spa may be more about energy. Several traditional spa treatments from a variety of cultures are designed to promote the healthy flow of energy in the body. This life force or energy has different names, such as “ki” in Japanese reiki, “chi” in Chinese energy exercises such as chi gung or tai chi, or “prana” (which is also related to the breath) in Sanskrit yoga traditions. The Latin word spiritus means breath, so it is not surprising that breath is an important component of these energy modalities, which promote healing and rejuvenation, literally revitalizing the spirit.

 Some spas are even so bold as to suggest that the spirit part of the spa triad refers to the soul. It is not uncommon to see spas promoting their “soul-soothing” treatments or using “mind, body, and soul” as a substitute for mind, body, and spirit. While it may feel like a stretch to imagine that spas can play a role in our spiritual salvation, it is not entirely out of the question when you consider the space and time provided at spas for personal reflection.

 Kenneth Pargament, an expert on the psychology of spirituality and religion, defined spirituality as “the search for the sacred.” In his definition, the term “search” indicates that “spirituality is a process” and is unique to each individual. The term “sacred” represents the substance of our spiritual journey and could include concepts of God or “transcendent reality.” Like beauty, transcendence is in the eye of the beholder, so people can find sanctity in many areas of their life including their work, their relationships, their private time, or their community. Within the context of this definition, it is easier to see the spiritual side of the spa.

 For some, the human body is sacred, and the rituals performed in the spa are designed to honor that sanctity by improving health, healing, and physical relaxation. For people who hold their relationships with others as sacred, the spa provides a place where they can come together and deepen their connections. And perhaps the most important sacred concept in the spa is the importance of time for one’s self. By giving people time to slow down, be separated from technology, and sit in silence, spas give them a chance to reflect on the values that are most important to them.

 If you recognize the importance of mind, body, and spirit for your own well-being, then think about how you can apply some of these spiritual principles from the world of spa to your own life:

 1. Identify the activities and experiences that uplift you emotionally. Look for ways to increase pleasure and positive emotion in your life.

 2. Spend more time with the people, places, and activities that energize and revitalize you. Keep your distance from those people and things that are a drain on your energy.  

 3. Spend some time thinking about what is sacred to you. Reflecting on personal values can help you to set meaningful goals and to cherish the best moments of your life.  

There really is no one correct definition for our spiritual side, and no one right way to develop it. The power of the concept of mind, body, and spirit is in recognizing that humans are complex creatures and our well-being comes from many domains, not all of which are completely understood. Your own spiritual quest for well-being can begin with a simple question: What’s sacred to you?

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 -Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi in Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience

Spa-goers cite reducing stress as the number one reason they go to spas, according to research from the International Spa Association. Seems like everyone these days is in a constant state of excess stress, and we are all looking for relief. But get rid of too much stress, and we can find ourselves on the other end of the spectrum: bored, unchallenged, and unfulfilled.

As hard as it may be to believe, there is such a thing as good stress. Stress is the great motivator that pushes us to learn, adapt, and grow. Most of the advancements ever made in our civilization can be linked in some way to stress as a primary motivator. To avoid the stress of the elements we developed comfortable clothing and climate-controlled environments, allowing us to live pleasantly in any season or locale. To avoid the stress of conflict with nature and with others we developed complex societies, with structures and systems to protect us from harm. To avoid the stress of wanting, we developed systems of wealth, and we strive every day for a better life. If we did not feel stress, we would contentedly lie about while we froze, starved to death, or were killed by someone or something else. The point is: stress has a purpose.

When we are confronted with a challenge or danger, our bodies activate a stress response to prepare us to handle the problem we are confronting. Energy is rapidly mobilized within the body, preparing the muscles to be used for fight or flight. Other long-term uses of energy are curtailed, such as tissue repair, sex drive, ovulation, etc. The immunity system, which is normally focused on protecting us from long-term health threats, is also inhibited so that the body’s energy can focus on the challenges at hand. Pain becomes dulled, so the mind and body can withstand any trauma that occurs during the stressful encounter. And cognitive functions sharpen and narrow so we can maximize our ability to resolve the immediate problem before us.

Stress as a response to physical challenges is efficient from an evolutionary standpoint. When our ancestors were attacked in the wild, their stress levels would rise, which helped them to overcome their aggressor. Stress levels among ancient tribes forced them to relocate when drought conditions left their soil unsuitable for agriculture. But most humans in the modern world experience a great deal of stress in spite of the fact that we do not live under constant fear of predators, drought, or plague. The stress that most of us experience today is “psychosocial.” It has less to do with a fear of physical threats or scarcities, and much more to do with our own emotional reactions to the relationships and experiences we have. Today, we experience stress while making big life-changing decisions, jockeying for position in our careers, or resolving differences with those closest to us. Challenges in our relationships (both real and imagined) test our stress response on a regular basis.

Typically, it is not even the situation itself, but how we react emotionally to it that puts us into a stressful state. Unlike other animals, the challenge with humans is we have a hard time “letting go.” We hold onto stress, ruminating on problems long after they are over, and anticipating problems that we haven’t even confronted yet. Good stress goes bad when it becomes so severe that it overloads our bodies’ abilities to adapt to it, or it becomes a chronic state that the body never has a chance to recover from.

If you find yourself slipping into the bad side of stress, consider these ideas to maintain balance:

Physical exercise.  The best example of “good stress” is a good hard bout of physical activity. Physiologically, exercise counteracts the harmful effects of excess stress, and psychologically, it gives us a greater sense of control and confidence to handle the challenges before us.

Relationships.  The stress response not only releases hormones that help us to fight or flee, it also releases hormones that help us to “tend and befriend.” In times of excess stress, come together with the people around you. Social support, family and friendships, and human touch all help to alleviate the stress response.

Don’t stress about stress. Remember, some stress is good. Don’t let your emotional reactions magnify it. Embrace the challenges that come your way, recognizing that they ultimately will make you stronger and smarter.

Our happiest moments do not come from being stress-free. They come when we feel challenged and stimulated and are pushed to learn and grow. Feeling under a lot of stress lately? Good. Use it . . . and then let it go.

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Alex learned a lot during her time in the monastery. She learned how to let things go, how to slow down, and most importantly how to stay connected to the present moment in a way that few people can. But the experience was not all positive. After weeks turned into months of sitting, silence, and austere conditions, she felt her sanity slipping away and had to leave before her year was completed.

I was suitably impressed by Alex when she told me this story. The importance of a single-minded focus on the present moment is espoused by new age self-help gurus like Eckhart Tolle (The Power of Now), mindfulness experts like Jon Kabat Zinn (Wherever You Go, There You Are), and has even been the subject of this very column (Breathing Lessons, Winter 2007). But personally, the idea of staying connected to the present moment for weeks or for months at a time, while impressive, seems somewhat out of reach for my restless mind. Is “being present” really all that it’s cracked up to be?

According to Martin Seligman, author of Authentic Happiness and the founder of Positive Psychology, “the present moment is overrated.” His research on human happiness suggests that happiness does not happen in the “now” but is a function of our past and future. Those who show the highest satisfaction with life have a sense of gratitude and appreciation for their past, a sense of meaning about their personal accomplishments, and a sense of hope and optimism when anticipating the future.

Even “flow,” defined as a form of complete engagement in what one is doing (as coined by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi in the book of the same name) is not a state that exists solely in the present moment. This kind of full engagement happens when we feel ourselves doing something now that will develop our future selves. Hedonistic pleasure can be found in the moment, but flow happens when we work toward something meaningful and feel challenged to learn and grow.

The benefits of mindfulness practices may have less to do with “the power of now” and more to do with training our minds to focus on anything, whether it’s the present moment, or what we had for breakfast that morning, or contemplating our own belly buttons. Meditation and other mindfulness practices teach us how to focus our attention voluntarily toward what we want or value, rather than having it pulled toward what we fear or regret. This helps us to focus on the good moments from our past rather than ruminating on the bad ones. It allows us to avoid worrying about the future, and instead develop goal strategies around the things we are hoping for. The discipline around such a practice helps us to avoid unhealthy impulses and to lead a more purposeful life.

Maybe mindfulness needs to be redefined. Perhaps it is not only an awareness of this present moment, but rather an awareness of how this moment relates to our past and future. After all, the past is but a collection of former present moments, and the future will be determined by how we choose to spend this moment. So what would a mindfulness practice look like if it wasn’t focused on the present? Consider sitting quietly and meditating on these ideas:

0. What do you most appreciate about your past? 
0. What are you grateful for now, and what are the circumstances from your past that brought you these things?
0.  What are you looking forward to in the future? What are you hoping for? What are you doing now that will make your hopes a reality?

As for my friend Alex, she recovered quite nicely from her monastic experience and continues to be one of the most grounded people I know. There are many benefits to practicing being more mindful, more aware, and even more present. But don’t forget where you came from, and don’t forget where you are going. Don’t forget the power of before and after.

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The truth is that there probably is not one perfect diet that works for everyone. A quick analysis of the hidden snack stashes of my own co-workers reveals strikingly diverse tendencies. They can easily be divided into two distinct camps: the sweet/chocolate lovers versus the salty snackers. The cravings between the two groups are so different it is easy to imagine that a diet that works for one might be detrimental to the other.

If a simple thing such as snack cravings can vary so much from one person to another, then other characteristics such as how we digest proteins, fats, or carbohydrates, what food groups make us feel satisfied, and how our bodies use different foods for energy must also vary significantly from one person to another. Perhaps being in tune to one’s own uniqueness is the most important part of eating healthfully.

Spas can be an excellent source of information and inspiration for eating well. While different spas offer different ideas of spa cuisine, there are certain principles that seem to be universal. Tapping into these universal principles of spa cuisine is a short-cut to finding a healthy eating program that makes the most sense for your body.

Quality counts. Perhaps more important than eating the right mix of fats, proteins, and carbs is knowing where they all come from. Spas promote local sources of ingredients, steer us away from processed foods and towards options which are more natural and more organic. In today’s world, it takes more effort than ever to avoid the global trend towards “McDonaldization” of our food sources.

All calories are not created equally. The old thinking was that a calorie is a calorie and a carbohydrate is a carbohydrate. Today we know that the kinds of calories we eat are extremely important. Whole grain carbohydrates, unsaturated fats, and low cholesterol proteins are on the menu at most spas.

Healthful and tasteful are not mutually exclusive. Destination spa chefs realize the biggest way they can impact their customers’ health is by teaching them that healthful food can taste delicious. By picking up a cookbook from a well-known spa, or better yet, taking some cooking classes while you are there, you can learn techniques for making meals which are not only good for you, but are absolutely scrumptious.

Portions, portions, portions. The rise of obesity in America corresponds to the growing increase in portion size. By eating more and more, you are tricking your body into thinking it needs more than it actually does. By reducing portions, you will teach your body to use food more efficiently, and over time, reduce cravings.

Eat mindfully. Our habits become us, and many of our habits revolve around what we eat, when we eat and how we eat. Making yourself feel guilty for your habits doesn’t seem to help change them. But building awareness of them does. Observe your own eating patterns and ask yourself if your eating habits are aligned with your nutritional goals. If you’ve ever found yourself at the bottom of a Haägen Dazs container (Mint Chip is my weakness) without being quite sure how you got there, you probably were eating mindlessly. Spas teach us to eat mindfully. Taste your food, enjoy it, savor it, and be in tune to your body’s signals for satiety. An aware mind knows when you’ve had enough long before your unconscious self does.

Food should be enjoyed and appreciated. This is easiest when you know where it comes from, when it tastes good, and when you can anticipate the positive effect that it is having on your health. Eating mindfully means being fully engaged in the process of eating and turning off your “autopilot.” By practicing this mealtime meditation you can tap into the greatest diet around: the one written by your own body.

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He selected several newborns to be whisked away at birth and cared for by foster mothers who were instructed to feed and to wash them but to not speak to them and to not show them affection. Unfortunately for Frederick (and even more so for his subjects), the research findings were inconclusive because not a single one of the infants survived “for they could not live without the petting and joyful faces and loving words of their foster mothers.” Thankfully, Frederick’s research study has never been replicated. But many studies of children growing up in orphanages have shown that without the nurturing touch and affection of adults, children do not flourish. In medical settings with adult patients, touch has been found to be a powerful instrument for healing and relaxation, even when it is as simple as a nurse palpating a patient’s pulse. And loving touch between couples has been shown to reduce stress and aid healing. As it turns out, humans need touch to survive and thrive.

I recently met Rob Buckley, an extraordinary massage therapist from Colorado, who had a dream of bringing the power of touch to the “untouchable” castes in Nepal. The “untouchables” are those at the lowest level of society. They are considered to be so impure that they are kept separated from other members of society. They are banned from temples and other public buildings, are not allowed to drink water from public taps, and suffered other humiliations as a member of the lower caste. Although in Nepal, it is considered taboo to touch or be touched by a member of these castes, Rob believed that by teaching these “untouchables” the power of massage, they would have a marketable skill that would allow them to be hired by spas and clinics in more progressive areas of Nepal, or in neighboring countries where they could live a better life. Most importantly, they would stimulate a tide of social change as they learned to use their touch to create healing and joy.

What makes Rob extraordinary is not so much his vision, but that he made it a reality, opening a massage school in Nepal (www.himalayanhealers.org) where he has been teaching this new trade to these amazing people. Those who graduate from the school increase their earning potential dramatically, but the economic benefits are nothing compared to the emotional healing that his students go through. “By learning how to heal others they are healing themselves,” he said. “And then they bring that healing back to their family and their community.” Rob is a living example of how touch can heal and transform.

To practice the power of touch in your own life, bring some conscious attention to how you use (or don’t use) touch with the people around you:

Just touch. Consider using touch as a form of communication for family members and loved ones. Without using words, try using touch to communicate love, gratitude, forgiveness, or other positive emotions.

Feel the love. Imagine that you can feel the healing properties of touch each time you come in contact with a loved one. Feel your heart rate go down and relaxation go up. Notice the effect your touch has on others.

Open yourself to touch. Notice the times when touch is not welcome. What are the places on your body that you feel uncomfortable about? Whose touch do you avoid? Are there ways to use touch to heal and bring you closer together with the people you love?

Perhaps the most powerful way to use touch is to do what Rob Buckley does and bring it to those who are touch deprived. On the other hand, in today’s hi-tech, low-touch world, where social connections are virtual and friends are further away, maybe that applies to all of us. Maybe we are all becoming “untouchables.” But like the untouchables in Nepal, by touching others, we may just be able to heal ourselves.

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